In Defense of Die Hard as the Consummate Christmas Movie

When you have too much free time on Christmas Eve, you write a defense of Die Hard as a Christmas movie.

And make no mistake, Die Hard is a Christmas movie. It’s set at an office Christmas party gone awry, Michael Kamen’s score is full of cues from holiday classics, Argyle blasts Run DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis,” it snows (reams of printer paper) in LA, and characters hum and whistle hits like “Jingle Bells” and “Let it Snow.” Every set, even the data room, is littered with Christmas décor. There’s even some Christmas Day football (“Oh my God, the quarterback is toast!”).

My premise goes way beyond just the setting, score, and design. Christmas is an essential part of Die Hard’s story, just as it was in the novelization, “Nothing Lasts Forever.” What follows are my admittedly ponderous and often tenuous musings about what makes Die Hard the consummate holiday film.

THEME: Gifts from of the Magi I could compare John McClane’s welcoming at Nakatomi Plaza to that of Mary and Joseph in Bethlehem, but I’m going to kick this off with a more nebulous theory: Three wise men visit John McClane, and they come bearing symbolic gold, frankincense, and myrrh. “What the ???” you probably just exclaimed. Bear with me…

1. Arglye is the first of the magi, bringing a limo and the gift of “gold.” Not literal gold, of course, but symbolic gold in the form of kinship. Argyle offers McClane a ride, conversation (as he notes is so often expected of ex-cabbies), support, and future friendship (“If this is your idea of Christmas, I’ve got to be here for New Year’s”)

2. Joseph Takagi comes second, and even though he “won’t be joining us for the rest of his life,” he bears frankincense. Frankincense is symbolic of deities. Takagi dies because he won’t reveal the code word necessary to break into the vault: “Red Castle.” The Red Castle could be a reference to Shurijo Castle, the base of Okinawa’s religious network and services. Further, his office is decorated with sculptures of Samurai warriors, students of Shinto, Zen Buddhism, and Confucianism. Takagi lives by a Bushido honor code, and it is that code that leads to his death…and likely the salvation of everyone in the building. And this from Wikipedia: "The Nakatomi were one of two priestly clans [in classical Japan] which oversaw certain important national rites and...claim descent from divine clan ancestors 'only a degree less sublime than the imperial ancestors.'" So Takagi, as a representative of Nakatomi, may be a protector of that divine ancestry.

3. The third king is Sgt. Al Powell. He brings Twinkies and, more importantly, the symbolic gift of myrrh. Myrrh was an embalming oil and a representation of death. And Powell, like the Twinkies used so often as a homicide defense (see “Twinkie Defense”), is the death bringer. No, his feet aren’t flat; the reason he’s working a desk job is that he killed a thirteen year-old kid. “It was dark, I couldn’t see him. He had a ray gun that looked real enough.” And he “couldn’t bring [himself] to draw [his] gun on anybody again.” That is, until Karl Vreski threatens McClane and his wife, Holly. And Powell, the angel of death, unloads his firearm (killing once again) and is redeemed.

Is it a mere coincidence that 212 is both (1) the block of the power grid where Nakatomi’s Plaza sits and (2) the verse of Matthew (2:12) that concludes the visit of the wise men in the New Testament? I think not (and, wow, was I lucky to find a verse in the Bible that matched my crazy theory).

Is the "wise men" hypothesis really that insane? Maybe not. The lyrics to "We Three Kings" go: We three kings of orient are, Bearing gifts we traverse afar Field and fountain, moor and mountain, Following yonder star. Oh, star of wonder, star of night, Star with royal beauty bright. Westward leading, still proceeding, Guide with thy perfect light...

What brought all of these magi together? The Nakatomi Building, in the western part of the US, is shaped like, you guessed it, a star. Here's an ariel photo of the skyscraper...

THEME: Santa is Real

Moving from the religious to the secular, I posit that John McClane represents--nay, is the incarnation of--Santa Claus.

He likes Christmas jingles. As Argyle plays Run-DMC, McClane says, “Don’t you got any Christmas music?” Later, we catch John whistling “Jingle Bells” as he takes the elevator to the Nakatomi party.

Unfortunately, he’s not greeted with Christmas music when he arrives. Instead, it’s Pachelbel’s Canon in D. That moment—representing the "war on Christmas" before there was ever such a thing—telegraphs the chaos to come.

Like Santa, McClane flies in bearing gifts (the stuffed bear that becomes Argyle’s companion) on Christmas Eve. His arrival is anticipated but not announced; he never calls Holly or his kids to say he’s arrived…but neither does Santa. Plus McClane delivers Santa’s famous “Ho Ho Ho,” albeit in writing. And violently. And there are even treats for Santa: Takagi asks McClane, “Can I get you anything? Food? Cake? Watered down champagne punch?”

There are some real parallels between McClane and the Christmas song, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” The song starts innocently enough:

You better watch out

You better not cry

You better not pout

I'm telling you why

Santa Claus is coming to town

And once McClane arrives in town, he starts “making a list.” Hiding on the roof of the elevator, he takes out his weather-beaten cop notebook and writes:

HOSTAGES: HOLLY + 30 ODD

NUMBER OF TERRORISTS? 3 ? 1 in Lobby (?) and 2+ with hostages? Plus ones on 87-8 roof (3).

McClane listens to Hans instruct Fritz to go get Karl so that he can tell him that his brother's dead. And McClane then adds the following to his notebook:

HANS—Leader

KARL—Brother

USE THIS?

He’s literally “checking [the list] twice” as he endeavors to “find out who's naughty or nice.” And he’s doing it all surreptitiously, just like Santa, who “sees you when you're sleeping” and “knows when you're awake.”

Like Santa, John McClane knows who has been bad or good, and he decides who gets the gift of life or the punishment of death.

So, yeah, Hans. You should have been good for goodness sake.

THEME: Giving is Better than Taking Hans Gruber is the evil foil from every Christmas movie combined. He’s equal parts Old Man Potter, Scrooge, and the Grinch. He loves expensive suits, showing off his classical education, and dreaming of being “on a beach earning 20%.” He’s “nothing but a common thief.” No wonder his name closely approximates “Grubber,” as in money-grubber.

This is a redemption story for McClane, who not only thwarts Gruber’s theft of $600M, but finds what’s truly important at Christmas time: giving selflessly. As McClane says to Sgt. Powell: “It took me awhile to figure our what a jerk I am. Tell [my wife] she’s the best thing to ever happen to a bum like me. She’s heard me say, ‘I love you,’ a thousand times, but she’s never heard me say, ‘I’m sorry.’” It’s not a coincidence that McClane secures his pistol to his back with Christmas gift tape labeled “Seasons Greetings.” Shooting Gruber and his henchman, then, is really an allegory for “giving until it hurts.”

In the end, Gruber holds on a little too tight to Holly Generro McClane’s Rolex. When she’s freed of that metaphor for greed, it assures Gruber’s demise.

THEME: Christmas Miracles How is it that McClane doesn’t break his neck falling down the stairs with Tony (who does), avoids being killed by a hail of bullets, obtains a machine gun (“Ho-Ho-Ho”), and survives varying leaps from the side of a skyscraper? It’s a Christmas miracle.

Gruber talks a lot about miracles with Theo (“It’s Christmas, Theo, it’s the time of miracles; You asked for miracles, Theo, I give you the FBI”), but Theo has disrespected the holiday. He opens stolen boxes in the vault with the fervor of a kid on Christmas morning and bastardizes Christmas stories (“Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring — except for the four assholes coming in the rear in standard two-by-two cover formation”).

So instead it’s McClane’s pleas for a miracle (“Christ,” “Holy Christ,” “Please God don’t let me die”) that are apparently heard. How else can you explain someone surviving those odds (unless he or she is some type of 80s action hero)?

THEME: Saving Christmas A trope from holiday movies is naming characters things like, Noelle, Carol, Nick, Joy, Faith, etc. Die Hard is no exception, and in saving “Holly,” McClane saves Christmas. One could even argue that McClane has saved New Year’s, as Gennero is very close to Gennaro, which means January in Italian. Is it a stretch? No more of a stretch than that hose McClane tethers himself to… THEME: Bethlehem is Full Charles Dickens wrote in A Christmas Carol: “I have always thought of Christmas time, when it comes round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable, pleasant time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely.” In other words, Kindness begets kindness. Be kind to acquaintances and strangers alike.

Unfortunately, reporter Richard "Dick" Thornburg didn't get the memo. He threatens to deport Paulina, Holly's maid, if she prevents him from interviewing the McClane children. This seems like a direct echo of the story of Mary and Joseph who found themselves without shelter on Christmas Eve. Thornburg gets his comeuppance. Holly punches him in the face for putting their lives in jeopardy by revealing her identity to Hans (its not Christmas without punch), while his colleagues at the scene laugh at his expense. Taping Chekov's Gun to Your Back Some people say that if you were to take all mentions of Christmas out of Die Hard, the movie would still be the same. Those people are wrong. They're ignoring the concept of Checkov's gun, and, consequently, will get coal in their stockings.

Chekhov's gun is "a dramatic principle that suggests that details within a story or play will contribute to the overall narrative." The makers of Die Hard conscientiously worked to ensure Christmas isn't a mere extemporaneous detail. All of the holiday allusions are meant to pay off by the film's conclusion. There would be no Nakatomi heist if it weren't for Christmas. The holiday party is critical to bringing all of the players together. Die Hard-Christmas-deniers are quick to counter that it doesn't matter that it's a Christmas party: they could have set the film during "another office party." But that's ridiculous. How many office parties does your company have a year? The holiday party and what else? So it must be a Christmas party, and the holiday must be Christmas. We can quickly go down an "It's Wonderful Life" wormhole here. I can almost hear Clarence arguing with George Bailey. George: That's a lie! John McClane went to Nakatomi Plaza! He got glass in his feet! He saved the lives of every person at that random office event. Clarence: Every person at that office party died. John McClane wasn't there to save them, because without Christmas John McClane never flies to Los Angeles... And if it's not Christmas, then not only is there no party and no McClane, Holly doesn't get gifted the Rolex that leads to Gruber's demise. And, even if McClane had found his way to LA for this weird, arbitrary corporate get together, he never gets to save the day because there is no Christmas tape for him to adhere a gun to his back. To paraphrase Clarence a bit more: "You see, Die Hard really is a wonderful Christmas movie. Don't you see what a mistake it would be to throw it away?"

Gift Ideas

Now that we’ve established Die Hard as the quintessential Christmas story, here are some thoughts about the perfect holiday gifts for some of the characters:

• Sgt. Powell: “Sugar-enriched flour, partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, polysorbate 60, and Yellow Dye No. 5. Just everything a growing boy needs” • Deputy Police Chief Dwayne T. Robinson: “Some more FBI guys, I guess” • Richard Thornburg: Getting it on tape (“Did you get that?”) • Harvey Johnson: An atlas (“As in Helsinki, Sweden”) • Agents Johnson & Johnson: Some first names (“This is agent Johnson. No, the other one”)

What did I miss?